Is it okay to cry during coaching?
If my client cries during coaching, are we now in therapy territory?
The short answer: Nope!
The long answer: Nope, crying just tells us that we are coaching on something important to you.
In fact, it's welcome.
Here's a surprising stat: 95% of my clients cry during our first meeting.*
*That stat is probably not exactly accurate. But it's about right.
It's the rare person who can talk about what's keeping them stuck, the frustration and fear enmeshed in it, and not tear up.
And immediately after a tear or two is shed, this is what usually happens:
*Client wipes at tears*
Client: I am so sorry, I didn't think I would cry.
Me: Please don't worry, there is nothing to apologize for.
Client: Yeah, but this is probably better to talk about at therapy.
Me: Actually, it's perfect to talk about it here too.
A COMMON MISCONCEPTION
The assumption most clients make
The client almost always assumes this equation:
Tears = Emotion = Therapy
But this is the real equation:
Tears = Emotion = Being a Human = Coaching Topic
LET'S CLEAR THIS UP
Coaching vs. Therapy
Most of my first conversations with clients follow the same trajectory of my call with Leva. We start at the broad problem, but dig into the stuck feeling– that's where the real work is.
This is where people often stop and say - I am talking about feelings and things outside of work, and I have tears – isn't this therapy?
My answer: Nope, this is not therapy. This is called "coaching the whole person." And it's the only way coaching works.
The logical next question: Okay, well what's the difference between coaching and therapy then?
I'm so glad you asked!
Let me tell you.
I boiled down the major differences between how therapists and coaches work with their clients:
Therapists are really good at: | Coaches are gifted at: |
Digging into clients' past | Staying goal oriented |
Helping clients understand why they are the way they are | Asking deep and hard questions to help clients untangle their problems |
Using clients' experiences to bring them to a higher level of self-awareness | Supporting clients in uncovering confidence and strengths |
Guiding clients in leveraging the best parts of themselves to achieve their career goals |
Coaching is great. Therapy is great. Crying is okay in both.
Just like I did with Leva, I dig with all my clients. They don't usually come to me, a career coach, expecting to peel back the layers to their problems.
They just want a quick solution (because, hey, they are human!), but digging into the stuck is what truly brings my clients the greatest and most resonant solutions to the problems that they came with.
YOUR TURN
I bet you have certain goals you want to work on. What are the ones that are most pressing?
I would love to hear more about them… and where you are stuck. And, if you cry a little while telling me all about that, now you won't be remotely surprised.
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